i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
