I'm jealous of your bromance
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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