put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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