His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
