I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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