ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
