i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
