we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
