Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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