how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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