pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
