Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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