Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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