I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
