Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
