All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
