drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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