Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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