wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I understand Curling. That high.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
