I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
