don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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