i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
