just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
