glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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