i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My cat gives me a boner
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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