we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
