Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
