so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
this is an emotional support booty call
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
