The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i've created a new STD.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
