I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
