he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
