I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
