Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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