Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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