ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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