I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
