her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
