I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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