Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
