at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
