the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
