wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize
