the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
