What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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