You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So here I am, sexting at work.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
