shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
