Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Floor bacon is actually really good
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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