i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
