a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
