We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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